Dreaming Moon

Maybe it’s just me, but I am really very tired of always being there for people, always willing to try and help, and NO body is there for me... Actually, I take that back. I could handle the nobody being there for me, it’s the 'sure Tobbie, whatever you need, well help...' until the time comes when I need the help; and then suddenly no one is around, no one remembers what they promised. After so many years of this, I am just bloody weary of it.

I would much rather no body promised me anything, and I don't expect anything, than to be constantly disappointed. I can easily handle not expecting anything and having to deal with it all with just myself. What I hate is depending on people who I can never depend on who keep bugging me to depend on them. I don’t like the feeling of disappointment and I hate the anger that it produces in me. I don’t like being angry, its nonproductive. When I don’t expect anything, I am not disappointed, I don’t get angry.

Contrary to what the world seems to thinks of me, I really am a fairly laid back person who really hates being the center of attention. (It makes me uncomfortable.) I hate fuss and bother, I would much rather everyone lead their own lives and kept their noses out of everyone else’s life, at least that’s what I try to be. I grew up in a large family of master game players and double talkers who promised each other the world and never kept a promise. I hated it then; I hate it even more now. I would rather not expect anything and be pleasantly surprised, than deal with the constant lies and games'. I really don’t know why this is a concept that is so difficult for the world in general to comprehend.

I really don’t understand why people feel the necessary of promising people things they have no intention of delivering. I don’t make promise unless I know I can keep them. If I am not sure I can do something for someone, I am up front and open about it. It would be nice if I could get that same honesty back am not holding my breath waiting for it either. I would really rather be left completely alone than have people insist on helping me and then not being there at the last minute. I can plan when I know it’s just me, how the hell are you supposed to plan when other people can’t keep up their side of the deal…

It all comes down to… I am just tired of being constantly frustrated in dealing with people who don’t deal with life.

I have come to the conclusion that people make me very tired.

I am tired of the craziness, tired of the foolishness, tired of the games, tired of people not making any kind of coherent sense. I am tired of the predigest and tired of the pettiness, I am tired of people's judgments, tired of people preaching against the very thing they are doing themselves. I am so very, very tired of people who only see the world in black and white.

I am tired of people who think they know more, hear more, feel more, understand more; and who feel they must preach, beat me over the head with their so called knowledge and understanding. And I am really tired of these same people ranting and raving at me; when they can't string to sane words together and make it come out in some sort of coherent language that humans can understand. And I am really, really tired of the puzzled looks I get when I can't understand them and just reply to all this craziness with a blank look and an "Huh? You wanna try that again in a language I can actually understand..."

I am so tired of winning, and tired of crying, and so very, very tired of people who complain it isn't fair; and who are stuck in the should of, could of things of life. I deal with what's real, not with what I would like it to be, I just don't have the time and energy to waste on people who want to sit and cry into their beer about how unfair life is. I never expected life to be fair and am sick to death of hearing people bitch about it. And what gets me the most, is these same people who wine and cry about the unfairness of life, are the last bloody people to get off their asses and do something about changing things. They want the world handed to them on a silver platter and it annoys the crap out of me.

I am tired of people wanting things from me but not telling me what they want, and then getting irritated with me because I haven't given them what they wanted, when most of the time I didn't even know they wanted something. I am tired of people talking at me, but not really wanting to hear me talk back. And I am really, really weary with trying to talk to people and having no one really hear a single word I have said; and then all of them wondering why I stopped talking altogether.

People make me tired, down to my soul, bone weary tired.Becoming a hermit looks better and better every day.

Testing to see if this will post...

Drama, drama go away,
Do not come another day...