June 2013

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Monday, June 17th, 2013 06:57 pm
Maybe it’s just me, but I am really very tired of always being there for people, always willing to try and help, and NO body is there for me... Actually, I take that back. I could handle the nobody being there for me, it’s the 'sure Tobbie, whatever you need, well help...' until the time comes when I need the help; and then suddenly no one is around, no one remembers what they promised. After so many years of this, I am just bloody weary of it.

I would much rather no body promised me anything, and I don't expect anything, than to be constantly disappointed. I can easily handle not expecting anything and having to deal with it all with just myself. What I hate is depending on people who I can never depend on who keep bugging me to depend on them. I don’t like the feeling of disappointment and I hate the anger that it produces in me. I don’t like being angry, its nonproductive. When I don’t expect anything, I am not disappointed, I don’t get angry.

Contrary to what the world seems to thinks of me, I really am a fairly laid back person who really hates being the center of attention. (It makes me uncomfortable.) I hate fuss and bother, I would much rather everyone lead their own lives and kept their noses out of everyone else’s life, at least that’s what I try to be. I grew up in a large family of master game players and double talkers who promised each other the world and never kept a promise. I hated it then; I hate it even more now. I would rather not expect anything and be pleasantly surprised, than deal with the constant lies and games'. I really don’t know why this is a concept that is so difficult for the world in general to comprehend.

I really don’t understand why people feel the necessary of promising people things they have no intention of delivering. I don’t make promise unless I know I can keep them. If I am not sure I can do something for someone, I am up front and open about it. It would be nice if I could get that same honesty back am not holding my breath waiting for it either. I would really rather be left completely alone than have people insist on helping me and then not being there at the last minute. I can plan when I know it’s just me, how the hell are you supposed to plan when other people can’t keep up their side of the deal…

It all comes down to… I am just tired of being constantly frustrated in dealing with people who don’t deal with life.
Tuesday, June 18th, 2013 07:26 am (UTC)
This is why the number of people regularly in my life is so low. Most of the ones I meet are frankly mooches. Aside from my partner and my parents, most of the people I would actually want to spend time with, and who are not a total waste of carbon atoms, are sadly located in other states or countries.

I've gotten to where my expectations of people's behavior are extremely low as a result of this pattern.