Dreaming Moon

Sigh... I see the Drama Llama has once again arrived for the holidays...
And they wonder why I hate this time of the year...
I just don't understand why some people can't mind their own business and keep their noses out of me and mine's business...
I don't go looking for trouble.
I don't talk behind any ones back, anything I say behind some ones back, I will cherrfully sat to your face and probably already have.
I in fact spend a considerable amount of time solving problems other people start.
I like peace and try hard to fix things between parties so everyone gets along.
Was it too much to ask to have one quiet holiday where everybody got along and barring that at, at least kept quiet and didn't stir up trouble just for the fun of it...

I have been running nonstop for three weeks and have nothing to show for it. Nothing I wanted to get done got done. Everyone thing that needed to be done was blocked. I am irritated, aggregated and overwhelmed. I am done. I am taking the weekend off and the rest of the world in general can stick it…

I have been avoiding writing.

I have been avoiding blogging.

I knew I was doing this for months and months.

Just wasn’t sure why.
Wasn’t sure I wanted to know why.

I made excuses.

Life has been hectic.

My health has been completely sucky.

There is always something going on somewhere.

The truth is…

I think I am avoiding writing…

Is because I am trying to avoid my own brain.

This never works… I know this.

My brain isn’t going away.

The thoughts aren’t going to go away.

The bad memories and nightmares aren’t going to go away.

I am still going to have to deal with what my brain is trying to get me to deal with.

Not writing about it isn’t going to make it go away.

But sometimes you just need a break, even from yourself.

Not writing my way of taking a vacation from my own brain.

My brain however is not fooled nor is it amused.

Persisted and insisted it is, and it will have its way and be heard.

Sigh…

It was nice while it lasted.
 

The Prince of Toads is a true Prince indeed,

but the reality is, still a toad he remains.

Contrary to popular opinion, not everyone on the net wants all their network sites connected, and I kind of resent the implication that I must be forced to do so.

My house was clean before the painters came, now I can’t even walk through the rooms. They are supposed to come and finish tomorrow so it’s not really worth trying to pick up. But it’s so frustrating...

Four of my six cats have summer colds. Much sneezing and looks of disgust on furry faces and everyone is grumpy. I kind of saw it coming as I had to lock them all up together when one already had a cold. But they were so traumatized by all the painters in the house and all the chaos, there wasn’t much other choice.

Why is nothing ever easy… sigh!

So I am a fairly easy going person as a whole.

I like to help people and be kind in general.

Don't really like to start trouble or be mean.

I really don't like people who play games and manipulate because I grew up with that, and I always hated it.

But just because I don't like to play, doesn't mean I don't know how.

Nor does it mean I'm not gonna notice when you’re trying to play me.

In fact, it tends to piss me off!

It takes a lot to get me really mad and annoyed, but when you do, I don't play nice and I don't play fair.

So in general I try to avoid things that are going to annoy me to the point I actually have to stand up and do something about it.

But damn, when you rub my face in it for all week long, I am starting to get annoyed.

Look I get that you’re somewhat gaga over my old boyfriend.

I get that you think he is the end all of end all, your new Prince Charming.

I realize the fact that he still thinks I am wonderful probably annoys you more than just a bit.

But for pity sake women, I have known him for twenty seven years and he's one of my dearest and closest friends, old boyfriend or not.

And frankly no offence to you, but I have seen your kind come and go with him over the years to the point that I stopped keeping score.

He's not the kind who settles down, he's not the kind who can ever stay faithful to just one women, he's the King of broken dates with a beautiful set of excuses that should be set down in stone they are so good. He lies though his teeth and laughs when you catch him at it and admits he lied. (Gotta love a cheerful lier) And he is the world’s greatest charmer even when you know he only means half of it.

This is just who he is.

He aint gonna change for no one.

Were still friends and close, because I am the only women he has ever known who knows these truths about him and doesn't care.

I am the only woman he knows who accepts him just the way he is and doesn't try to change him.

I am the only women he knows who loves him faults and all and is usually kind of amused even when he’s acting like a toad.

I am also the only women who will tell him to his face when he's being a cad and stupid, and who doesn't get mad when he ignores me.

There is no way in the universe he is ever going to let go of me as a friend. So deal with it.

I hope your relationship works; it would be nice if he could stop running around. But I am not holding my breath.

I am NOT a threat. His wild untamable nature is the threat.

So bloody well stop sending me stupid facebook messages about how wonderful you think he is and how I am his past.

Stop trying to pretend to be all friendly like while in reality you’re trying to tell me to clear off.

All that does is make me dig in my heels so I can watch the fireworks when it all falls apart... again.

I know you care deeply for him, they all do at the start, it lasts till they finally realize, he just aint gonna change.

Then comes the tears, the pain the phone calls and crying on my shoulder.

Let’s just pass on this whole game shell we.

He is never going to give up our friendship and I am never going to get in the way of his relationships’.

So as for you and him... all I can say at this point is...

Good luck with that... your gonna need it!

Yes I fall a lot, that fact is pretty much established. I have chronic dizziness and no depth perception so grace is not a word one can apply to me for the most part. However it has been my experience that most people when it comes to stairs, tend to trip and fall down them. I use to do that a lot as a child, the falling down them part. I was sixteen before I learned people could actually die from falling down stairs. I thought they all just got up and walked away like I did.

Since we moved into our present house, ten years ago, I have so far managed not to fall down any of the stairs. Which is a pretty good feat; considering it’s a tri-level house with several sets of stairs both inside and out. Everyone else in the house has fallen at least once or twice. The closest I ever came was missing the last two to three steps going down which resulted in a huge jump on my part and a heck of a lot of noise which scared the cats and rest of the humans in the house.

So today I broke my record by tripping and falling… UP the stairs… hard. Witch while it may not break your neck, hurts a hell of a lot more when you land on your arm on the edge of the steps. So now my arm is black and blue and my shoulder blade is reminding me with throbbing pain it’s not happy with what I did. Which is just as well as the new heater and AC is being put in today, and as its right outside my bedroom door, I am pretty much trapped in my room till they are done.

Guess the universe decided today was a day of rest whether I wanted it to be or not…

So we have to have a bunch of work done on the house. It’s over 47 years old and was a tract house, so it’s showing some wear. We have done small things here and there over the last ten years but really; it’s over due for a major overhaul.

We had the house painted last year and my brother put in two new fences and three gates. (Still waiting for half of one of those gates.) And this year his Mom decided to help out with the rewiring, new heating and cooling and other stuff that needs to be replaced.

So its decided the whole house needs to be rewired which is no surprise to us, as when you blew one fuse three rooms would go out and it got really annoying. So the electricians make plans to come and replace the wiring, only everyone in the house came down with the bronchitis from hell, and my brother isn’t letting anything go in unless he watches what they are doing. So we put it off for a week. The week goes by and they finally start work. They start on the garage and outside which makes much noise but doesn’t impact on life that greatly other than we had to empty the garage into the back yard. They were suppose to do my brothers room, bathroom and bar area off the garage first, but as it has no crawl space they decide to skip up to the main floor first… without warning me or my daughter, of course. So they move stuff in the living room all out into the middle of the floor so they can get to the plugs… and then haven’t showed up for two days to do anything, and they left after a half day Monday. They have suppose to have been working for ten days now, and when I counted up the days they weren’t here, only one of which they called about, they have only been working five and a half. And Mom’s management company wants to know why it’s taking so long…O~o

Really, I am more than happy to move stuff around so they can put holes in my walls to rewire, but I kind of thought the idea was they were actually going to do the work as we went. I can’t even get through my living room, my work room can’t be worked in because it’s on the same floor with the Living Room and Kitchen and they want to do them all at once. They refused to say when they are coming upstairs so stuff got moved around there too. And now were in limbo because they didn’t show up, no one called, the house is chaos and I can’t do art. Stress is not good for any of us and now I am getting pissed as well. I’d love to tell them so, but they kind of have to actually show up for me to do so.

I knew this year was going to be hell, I just didn’t know it was going to be limbo as well.

Sigh, Spooty workmen…